Finding the right therapist or counsellor for you…

I hope you enjoy this video or find the transcript below if you’d prefer to read the five tips for finding a counsellor in the UK.

I want to talk about how therapy, finding a counsellor can really help if you're in a difficult position and I want to talk about this in five key areas of how to find a really good therapist that's right for you and really how to give yourself permission to accept that therapy isn't a weakness. If you feel like you have a lot of shame around going to see a therapist. I want to talk about how empowered that you should feel and how proud of yourself you can feel if you have taken the step or are thinking about taking the steps to find a counsellor or a therapist.

Number one of the five that I want to talk about is really losing the shame, which we just touched on then around the idea of looking for help from somebody else outside of friends, outside of family, outside of ourselves and I think particularly in this country, in the UK, there's a lot of stigma around talking about feelings still in my experience today.

This idea of kind of bucking up and sucking it up, keep calm and carry on, not showing emotion, not being vulnerable or talking about feelings is still really commonplace in the workplace, within families, within friendship groups. So one of the things that I want to say is that if you are thinking about going to see a therapist or you want to look for a counsellor, but you're feeling a lot of shame, you're feeling like you're weak, then I really want to tell you that you are not those things. They are conditions that have been placed on you by people around you and by society and they are not true.

It can take an enormous amount of bravery and taking responsibility for yourself to take those steps to see a counsellor or a therapist. The idea that it's something to be ashamed of or that you're weak for doing that is really something that I want to reassure you that you aren't those things and actually going to see someone and going to speak to a third party can actually be something really powerful that you can do for yourself and you don't have to tell anyone that you're going to do it if you don't want to.

Sometimes just having that third party, that person outside of your situation to talk to can be a really powerful experience because often when we talk to friends and family about our problems and our challenges, they are interwoven in those situations or there are conditions attached to telling them, so the counsellor that you would go and see, they're not attached to your situation. They are impartial and they are not going to offer you advice or tell you what to do as such, but they are going to help you explore how you're feeling and the fact that they're outside of the situation can be really, really helpful.

Secondly is to know what you're looking for, so to find someone who is certified. So here in the UK, which I'm going to focus on because I can't do the whole world of counselling because I don't know exactly how it works everywhere, but in the UK, you want to find somebody that is a certified counsellor or a certified psychotherapist or clinical psychologist. There are many different terminologies as well, which we're going to come on to in tip three and ways that people work, but basically the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists, the BACP, is a great place to start when you are looking for people that are certified.

It is really really important to make sure that whoever you're seeing is really well trained because I think a lot of people just think you're just going to have a chat with somebody in a room and that's all it is and there's nothing much to it, but actually to be a really good, effective, safe counsellor for somebody, you need to have gone through a really rigorous training process. You need to have got your experience and that's why these associations such as the BACP who can accredit people, it's really important to know that your counsellor has done that training to make sure that you're in safe hands basically.

Number three is doing your research about approaches to counselling because like I said before there are many different terminologies such as counsellors and psychotherapists and clinical psychologists and cognitive behavioural therapists. And that's just a few, there are many many different types of professionals that you can go and see to talk to about your mental health issues and challenges. So one of the things that I would say is to just do a little bit of research.

There are different approaches such as a person-centred counselling approach which is very much led by the client and is all about listening and creating a safe space using the core conditions. Then there is also cognitive behavioural therapy which is looking at negative automatic thoughts on how we can change those neural pathways in the brain and create new patterns. And then there's also the psychodynamic approach which is founded in the Freudian thinking and very much is looking at the patterns that we've got from families of origin and our childhoods and our patterns of relating with other people and where all of that stems from.

So there are just a few of the approaches, but there are many many others. So it's a bit like finding a yoga class, you know, there are many different types of yoga class. Some of them are fast and vigorous and sweaty and some of them are very slow and meditative.

The fourth point is finding your fit. So once you've sort of worked out what approach you think seems right for you, you've looked around for some certified therapists, it's really about finding someone that's the right fit because, you know, just like friendships and relationships, we don't always gel with people. I think it's really important that if you're going to see a counsellor you need to have a connection with them. You need to feel like you're in a safe space, that you can trust them, that they've got your best interests at heart, that they are caring for your well-being and

So every counsellor is different and brings their own special gifts into the counselling room and it's really good for you to not be disheartened if you go and see somebody and it doesn't feel like the right fit because it may be that you need to give it a couple of sessions and you might warm up to each other or it may be that they're not the right person for you and that you want to go and try somebody else. 

Lastly, when you start having therapy or seeing a counsellor it really is, especially if it's something that you've not done before and depending at what stage in your life and at what point in your process you're coming into that experience, it can really take some time and it's not always going to be plain sailing and things just aren't necessarily just going to go up up on an even plane and get better. That is possible but most likely is that it's going to be a mixture just like, you know, our human experiences.

We'll have ups on the counselling journey, we'll have downs on the counselling journey and especially if we're talking about things that we've not talked about in a long time that might be very upsetting or emotional then it's not always going to be easy to to bring up those things and really trusting that you're with, if you're with a certified practitioner that you've got a good fit with and that you feel like things have gelled then even if those difficult moments do come up then you will know that you're in safe hands and you're with the right person to guide you through that process.

It's a really big step even just to book that appointment and go and see somebody if you're struggling. I offer sessions in Warrington, Cheshire both face to face and online or via phone so get in touch if you have any questions and we can book in a free 15 minute call or video chat to see if I feel like the right fit for you.